Day 8 of 2011- emotional day

What is wrong with me? Tend to get rather emo these days.. I myself can’t even figure out an answer. There is way too many incidents that happens around me and my close fren these days.

Eventually, yesterday did wen to GH for a while. But, I din manage to get into and visit. The reason is there can’t be too many visitor per patient. But, it is still ok with me. I think I would had faint if I were to went inside. I would be way too weak that my appearance show.

I could still feel the fear inside my tiny little heart when we are climbing up the ward. I saw a patient being pushed in the bed. I din look at the person, seem not so serious. Yet, I am scared. I thought I am brave. But, I am not. So having to stay outside is good for me.

I asked myself during that time, what if during that time, when my father is spending his last few minute, I am right beside him. N I could still remembered that time I was just 13. To be more precise, it’s 12year n 3 month only. I know it at once that I can’t bear that. I would be shock.

Outside the ward with my cousin, we had a small chit chat. Now I could feel my brother feeling. The moment when he need to start bear all the responsibility of taking care of the whole family. Brother, I am sorry you need to bare those paint all these while. I keep telling myself that I need to grow up, I want to lessen your burden I had caused you. Instead of doing so, I caused more trouble to you. Now I know, sometimes we need to be patient. We mustn’t be too rush. Juz like dar dar say, don be too ‘cong dong’. Think before I act. I would have say that my past incident was a result of many issue and more importantly, it was my attitude that had caused the result.

After what had happened along the way, especially within these few year I am in university, I learned a lot. I appreciated for what had happened. Now, I would say, everything happens with a reason. N I will want myself to learn from this happening. I want to avoid from making the same mistake again.

Now, I learn to appreciate. Still, it was not too late. I am trying to spend more time with my family, especially my mother, whenever I can do so. Having too much uni activity within this year, it make me have less time available. Still, I don wan to leave regret in my uni life. So I scarify some of the time. Many thing happen, it teach me more than what my textbook had taught me about this world. Still, I am waitin to welcome the incoming with hope and optimistic.

Mum, I know u wouldn’t have read my blog, yet, I wanna tell you that I love you. Thanks for all the support and love that you had give me. I know I did hurt you badly when the incident happened. But I am glad it did happen. Now, I am back, together with my heart and soul. I am no longer being chain. Most importantly, mum, thanks for whatever things u had taught me. It come into the reality handy. Your advice in the past help me pass through these rain and storm. Also, uncle, thanks for the courage you had give me on that morning. Without those word, I wouldn’t had climb back so fast. Thanks. I do love my family, and I want to spend more times with them if possible.