Running towards Dream Realization

Why I love running that much? Or perhaps why am I doing so many running lately? And what is my ultimate aim? These are the common question being asked lately. From January Penang Run (Half Marathon) until most recent June Pisang Relay, I guess FB played an important role as an advertisement of a “running life” image of mine. Haha.

Well, story starts like this. Oppa, joined Penang Run Series 2013-2014. The whole series, split into 4 series that is designed to run Penang Island, with each series running half marathon distance. When I realize about it, 1^st series already kick start, and I won be able to collect the pieces of medal and make it into a full penang island map. I then decided to participant in the last series, that route is designed to run 22km from Teluk Bahang dam until Esplanade. It’s a route that is running along the coastal line, and I thought it will be fun and awesome to enjoy beautiful sunrise scene along this route.

Just imagine, someone that never have any running training nor any indoor gym training, running a half marathon. It could be rather killing. But what drive me to complete the race? Why at the first place that I even run this half marathon, I too questioned myself. Beginning of the race, I said to myself, I love running, and choose to run by my own will. Also, mom dreamt was to join marathon or walkathon with my late daddy, I will fulfill it on behalf of both of them. With a limitation of 3 hours and 30 minutes to complete the 22km race, and lack of any form of training, I doubted myself also. Along the route, I keep monitoring the time. I want to complete the race within the time frame set. I want the medal! The medal had become my motivation to finish the race at the last stretch of the race.

Gladly, I complete the race in 3h 22m. After the race, I checked the result of the race. Sad to say, my timing is nothing to shout about AT ALL… Kinda shame also. On average, female participant should complete the race between 2h 15m to 2h45m range. Those champion female category will be looking on a timing of 1h 38m plus plus. I quietly set a target, I want to set my foot on the podium, one final day. But I am not as determined yet.

By co-incident, I have a continuous running week after 25 May 2014. Learning from the first run, I then tell myself, I should do more running or something. Else, the continuous long distance run is not a good thing. I then start to run more on the road, but I kinda hurt my knee cap, which is not a good sign. So, I asked a gym trainer advice. He asked me go for more indoor gym class session. For the sake of the run, I go more gym class session, preparing myself while recovering my knee.

Until I participate in Maybank Bali Marathon Selection Test, I am more determine to train myself. Before I even departed to participate in the selection test, I received an email stating that their target was we need to finish 25 lapses of 500m in 45min. That is insane!! It is international marathon runners record. The Kenyian. However, I still went for the selection. Without enough sleep and preparation, I joined the selection. During the run, I knew I won’t be selection. I knew my time won make it to the top. Though of giving up crossed my mind. But I told myself, I travelled more than 300km and sleep less than 2 hours, I am not here to get a DNF aka Did Not Finished. I cannot bear another shame spot less than a week time. (I went to Tioman Eco Challenge, one of South East Asia toughest jungle trail, not completing the race).

However, I enjoyed this race the most, of all until now. Along the way, I received a lot of support and encouragement from unknown-name-Maybank-colleague. I love them. Even, the girl who won the race, while she was bypassing me for another round, she encouraged me to keep running. Her sweet face crossed my mind when I am doing my running session now. Basically I am the last person to finish the race. But because I don’t want a DNF, I continued and asked if I can complete my run. They allowed. I am happy. I apologized because they have to wait for me to finish. Another maybanker, whom I like also, said, “Don’t be sorry, you must be happy to run.” This sentence still well kept within my heart. And of course, to my greatest gratitude, I appreciate my best batch mate, whom accompany me by running beside me, motivate me to complete the race. I felt love in this run, which I treasure.

Tioman DNF and Maybank Bali Marathon Selection test defeat hit me, hard enough. When I was in the bus heading back to Penang, Hanson called. That small chat is one of the turning point. I started question myself. Why am I running? What I really want? I can’t be blindly registering for race after race. Am I really going after the medal of the race? What is it that I want from it? If I am determined going after trophy on the podium, GO For IT and Work towards IT!

Gladly, I am not totally defeat yet. I still have a top 20 medal from Komtar Tower Run to defense my pride =)

Okie, next year I will return to Bangi for selection test again, stronger and better. I really want to be a sportsman representative. That means something to me. Half marathon will be my focus. My ultimate target is less than 2h for half marathon. My 2^nd half marathon of the year completion time was 2h 54m. There’s a lot of improvement. But off course, still very far away from my ideal time limit set.

Coincidently, lately I had a conversation with Oppa. He challenged me to complete my next half marathon in 2h 15m and year end Penang Bridge Full Marathon in 5h 30m. Challenge accepted. Gonna train harder cause I have my pride to defense.

Running change me. I am more clear minded now.

《好想讨厌你》

323，清楚地明白，我和你的距离并非只是年龄的差距。当你在远处等待着我缓慢地追逐着你的步伐时。哪一瞬间，忽然明白我们俩是处在对岸的。想念你的情绪依旧是撇不了的习惯。偶尔还是会刻意地，若无其事地打电话听听，话筒另一处的你，近来过得还好吗？

或许对你不再有期许。但，你好似不留痕迹地闪避着我。是我多心吗？
你玩笑的催促着我早点找个男朋友。我却在另一头苦笑着。

现在的我，依旧两袖清风，毫无牵挂。乐得自在现在单身的时光之余，也懒得再等待对的人出现的那一刻。。感觉有点“oh shit"。

是我要求高嚒？不见得啊。难道找个感觉对的，可以和我一起去探索新趣的事物。不过话说，要一起探索就是要有像似的兴趣吧？而且两个人都还没尝试过的东东，这才叫“一起探索”吧？

这个不知天高地厚的小妮子会遇到有冒险精神的敢死队大汗嚒？《续。？》

2014

First day of the year 2014 is just like any other rest day of mine. Wake up early in the morning, go back to bed and continued my sleep t'il late morning. Wake up and have brunch with mom, get back home and get a book to read on. Perhaps, occasion day dreaming as usual and get myself a cup of coffee in a cafe.

Perhaps I was being a pretty moody young lady lately. I hardly do any summary of a year though. But let's see what had I did in year 2013..

I said I won't drink for the year 2013 and received a feedback, best joke of the year. Haha. Perhaps, they know me too well.. How could I live without alcohol? Let's see.. I went to 2 wedding dinners of the cousins with my sis in law, n she knew me well enough too. Every time when I came back from ladies, there'll be a glass of wine waiting for me without fail. Hahaha. Apart from the look, I get this gene from my dad too, I guess.

I too said that my 2013 resolution was to get more feminine. Hmmm, I could still remember Jan keep calling me:" Yo, Boy!'... Aiks... That declared my failure of becoming more feminine metamorphosis. To me, Jan is a pretty honest man that I could rely on as a judge in this sense. Question, why I trust him so much? Must be insane, me. Well, not really. Of all people, he has the least reason to tell me a lie.

I am just being myself for the past year. When Dar was being bullied, I stood up for her. Hmm, that was rather a remarkable incident that I did last year. I too can't believe what I had did too. But why, of all people, that B***** (I hate to name people in that way the most, trust me), have to do such thing to my Dar. I could hardly take on my anger, that I decided to text her. We talked over the phone, and I lose my ground of faith. At the end of the conversation, I blessed her. How could I? Well, off course I lose, because I'm never good at physiology war (no wonder my brother keep teasing that I'm way too young and inexperienced, n Jan once told me that I’ll meet different kind of people in my life). That night, I drank with Dar (as you can see, I can never live my life without drinking....)

Thereafter is the most awaited national election of the country. The result was so unexpected and so hard to accept. I lost my mind and almost fight my way to not to work on that superb blue Monday morning. At the end, I stayed at home as it is a declared public holiday for Penang state. I shed my tear in front of the laptop upon reading the news. My mom was worried about me, so much so that she cooked me lunch and served it right under my nose to my surprise. Thanks mom, your care for me hit right at my heart. Still, unable to accept the fact and being too furious, I told dar that she should have stayed at Australia for good. Shortly after that, she was send back to Australia as my tongue spoke. How I wished I didn’t said that.

2013 was such a working life year. Work, work, work and work. Guess it was because I was too tense that I danced the whole night during our first unofficial anniversary. That night, I was surrounded by my group of friends as usual. We danced on the floor and up the stage again. Yet without my legendary T-shirt, short pant and slipper.. haha..

ROS team auditing followed by Audit team auditing really runs me crazy and tense to the max. I was indeed glad that I swim through it without any thunderstorm. *hand clap* I was tensed up, so much so that I decided to buy the air ticket to Macau without much thought. It was originally a one-lady backpack trip. End up, one plus one equal two. Thank you for your accompany, Jan. It was you that make me realized thing that I refused to admit.

Thing changed after the trip. I drew things closer to my ownself. Trying to end relationship that had no ending. Being blunt and emotional for a short period of time. Trying to figure out what kind of life I want for myself. Perhaps it wasn’t too bad being alone, sometimes.  

Again, there’s someone that walked by my tiny glass heart. He might be the right person, and he might not be. On the last few hour of the year, you told me that I had changed from the ‘Me’ that you first knew. I’m tired. You wouldn’t want me to step in any closer and you drew the line. I am way too emotion and can’t control how I felt like a yoyo. I decided to step back and freed you as you wished. Isn’t it good to have it this way?

This year, I want to be more feminine. No more boy boy style please. Because, I ain't a tomboy. =D I hope I can do it. Being more female in my own way.. I will try to b a good girl as far as I can. Not getting people around me worrying about me. =)

0825

It had been quite sometimes since I avoid this particular song from Eason, caused it would always remind me that you told me you had a girlfriend, without fail. I liked you madly, and in a silence tone. That night, it is that short night itself that you started the alma story. That night, I will always remember it and kept in my heart. We both knew we missed the boat. And it’s not just once. I believe things do happen for a reason. Perhaps, we are really fated not to be together. And today, I played that long forgiven song. I guess what goes around comes around, let us let go of what happened in the past and move on with our current pace. We both are no longer the old us that when we first met. Still, I’ll treasure this friendship.

Honey

Darling, honey. I knew you read what I wrote that day. And yea, I guess I knew your answer. Off course, I miss the time calling you honey. I missed those time when I can freely call you honey and talked as if there’s no tomorrow over the phone. I missed it. How I wish you could be more ascertain and daring to try to hold my hand again that day when we are walking our way back the playground car park to take the car.

Honey, in life, there is no turning back. Like it or not, we have to keep moving on. What is past is past. And yea, sorry no cure. What’s done is done. Should my letter to you annoyed you, just ignore it. I really don’t have the courage to face you. You keep asked me why do I call you that night. That night, I just want to say sorry for lying to you. That letter is written because my though of telling you the truth is so strong on that morning.

Somehow or rather, I am avoiding you. And you too are hinting me that we are friend again and again. We both pretend nothing happened when we met, going out like usual and chat like we were. But u and I knew, thing weren’t the same anymore. Perhaps you never though this will be happening. Perhaps you are thinking too far ahead. Perhaps you have unfinished relationship at the time. Perhaps, there are just too many perhaps in between. And now, everything was like back to square one, in an odd manner.

It hurts, off course. But don’t worry about me, it will heel. Time is the best medicine of all. I’ll stay strong and move on. Honey, I like you.  

Unwise move

Times flies and thing is done. Sometimes, we do thing too spontaneously and unintentionally without taking into consideration its’ consequence. But what is done is done. There is no turning back. Being regretful and sorry don’t wind back thing to its original position. What left behind is the remaining piece of crack glass. Oppa, komenasai. 

1758.050513.13

What’s wrong with my country? Could there be any worst scenario than this?? At this current point of time, my friend at the other location of Peninsula is acting as ghost buster catching ghost voter. It is claimed that foreigner are being imported to the polling station buses by buses, and on BN bus. Where is the justice in this country??

Pre-election free meals, vote buying openly, giving voucher in various form, manipulation of media freedom, ghost voter and what’s next?? Is this how a fair election supposed to look like? If you were to search news on our GE, you could have seen commends on foreign land towards our election. It is describe as one of the violence election ever in Malaysia history.

As a responsible citizen, I cast my vote this morning. I read and observe details that I should have noticed when I am in the polling station even before the election. I did this just to avoid ghost voter had the chance to vote using my name again. Isn’t election committee supposed to be bias free???

As I am only able to make it to attend Friday esplanade speech by the opposition party, I went. Reason being I hope to know whether they worthwhile my vote. Despite the many supporters attending, I don’t have a firm reason to vote yet. Even at the point of marking the vote, I doubt who deserve my vote. But now, I knew my decision is correct.

It is advertised that we should be rational when we are exercising our right. But look around and observed what had they done? If there weren’t confident that they would lose the poll, why should they even spend such a big amount just to bribe the citizen? My rational tell me, if they spend RM1 on us, they would make sure they earn RM10 from that. So logically, assuming they are buying a thumbprint with RM6000, they would have want to take back RM60,000.00. Gosh, how much do I need to pay for the taxes?? No wonder our country is in deficit.

My heart is flaming hot, yet I wouldn’t want to write further. Last word, I am disappointed towards current politic scenario.